Dawson's creek: The Documentary
by Helena
Summary: What would happen if a documenary was made about the 6 annoying teens of Capeside


Dawson's Creek: The Documentary part 1 By Helena Disclaimer: Ok, I take it all back. Despite my recent reports, I regret to inform you that Bill Clinton is not infact a goat, he's more of a shark really. Please someone, sue me, I beg of you. Any excuse to get dressed up nice and to get myself out of the house...I mean box. Classification: Well, Like me, this story doesn't really fit in, so I suppose it better go into the "other" section. Rating: If you can watch Sesamy street, you can read this. Author's Thanks: I would like to thank my new hamster Tina, for being so sweet, my Winnie the Pooh collection for always being there, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur for teaching me valuable lessons every morning while my parents go and get high. Author's note: Ok, Imagine that a film crew came in and did a documentary on Capeside and it's residents, how might that go? Ok, you know what, I don't even care how it would go, but it was this or watching a 'Michael Jackson' marathon. So you guys are damn lucky that my TV was broken!

The scene opens with a reporter named Beverly standing outside Caoeside High School talking to the camera.

Beverly: Capeside. A quiet and peaceful town off the coast of Boston. Nothing ever happens in this small town, or does it? This is what we're attempting to find out, as we delve into the lives, of Capeside.

Beverly: Our aim is to discover who, and what, makes this town tick.

We now see Beverly in a room with a group of people.

Beverly: To do this we have recruited six very different people, with very different lives. Let's start with you Jen, what do you like about Capeside?

Jen: I like the fact that here I'm respected, well thought of, and a very popular girl around here.....Oh wait a minute, no I'm not! My bad

Beverly: And why do you feel that you're not respected Jen?

Jen: Well, I started having sex in like what, pre-school, I got caught having sex on my parent's bed, I forget why my bed was not used, I totally broke Dawson's heart by breaking up with him, then when he didn't want me back I got really pissed off, I became the Capeside wild child again, was present at my only friends death and made a totally awful speech at her funeral which made her whole family miserable....and after all of that I still haven't done enough to earn people's respect!

Beverly: Heart-breaking, truly

Jen: Well I was planning on writing a book, you can read it if you....

Beverly: I don't read books by putrid people honey

Jen: Oh, ok

Beverly: So do you think that people don't respect you because you come from a hell-holeish land with lots of freaks and most of the population can't even speak English?

Jen: Um, but I don't come from France

Beverly: Well I meant New York, but I suppose that question is more suited for France

Jen: Well, people from this simple town are simple minded I guess

Joey: The people in this town are fine Jen, It's the people that inhabit it that are its problem

Jen: And what's that supposed to mean?

Joey: Buy a vowel Jen, work it out!

Beverly: Excuse me, and you are? Joey: Joey, we talked outside before remember?

Beverly: Oh yes, I remember, the odd looking girl quite obviously from the wrong side of the creek

Joey: But how did you know that I'm...

Beverly: Well the locals say that you mention it at every available opportunity so I thought it was your catch phrase.

Joey: Well, according to all of these really weird stories written on the internet my catch phrase is "bite me". And anyway, why the hell is my picture on the internet?

Dawson: Well Joey, you know when that man with the big camera told you that he needed some photos for this Albanian kid with i'maliaritus? and you know when he told you that you had to be naked because the Albanian kid has an eye condition that forbids him to see any type of clothing what so ever? Joey: Yeah?

Dawson: Well maybe the Albanian kid never got the picture because it got lost in the mail, and then someone else got his mail, and opened it and admired it so much that he hung it on his wall and his friendly seal decided to put it on his website

Joey: Oh, I suppose that would make sense

Pacey: But how would a seal be able to put a picture on the internet? wouldn't that job be more suited to a hamster or something?

Dawson: Pacey, this is why the leading character in Titanic was not named after you.

Pacey :He was called Jack

Dawson: Jack DAWSON

Pacey: I think you're more of a Jack ASS Dawson

Beverly: What is going on?

Andie: And why haven't I spoken yet?

Joey: Cos' then we'd have to shut you up

Jen: Don't listen to her Andie. Not all of us are animals like her

Joey: I'm not an animal Jen

Jen :Are you sure? Because you sure look like a bitch to me!

Joey: Oh go brush your hair Jen!

Jen: Oh go fix your smile Joey. it looks like you lost half of it in a tragic fish hook accident.

Joey: Ok, who told?

Beverly: Can we get back to asking questions please?

Joey: Oh shut up!

Jen: Maybe you should call her father...oh no wait, he's in prison!

Joey: Maybe she should call your parents Jen...Oh no wait, they don't want you! Beverly: Ok, now this is rather disturbing behaviour girls. I haven't seen such bad behaviour since my Uncle Brian made a killing when he bet on Mrs. Tingle, the family racehorse, and we all had to GO! and watch these two people who thought they were wonderboys but were actually complete muppets go into space and....well anyway, the point is, Joey and Jen, stop being such Dick's. Relax. Ok?

Joey: I get the feeling that that little speech is personal to me in some way. I have no idea how.

Jen: I know what you mean

Dawson: Ok, I have a question. I thought that I was the centre of everything. I thought that I always stole the limelight, and I thought that I was the one who everyone loves. But the only thing I know is that nobody's showing me any love when I have the worst life out of any of you. I mean come on. Joey's mother died and her Dad's in prison, Pacey is a major underachiever, Jen's parents don't even want to know her, Jack is having a really hard time coming to deal with his sexuality and Andie's a complete whack job....but I broke up with Joey, my life is merely a fragment of my broken heart. Can't you feel my pain people? I am the one that needs sympathy. The problem with you guys is that you have it too easy, when was the last time your mother moved to Philly huh? and does your Dad have an incredibly strange nose like mine? No. That's the answer. But you guys are just too far up in the clouds to realise it!

Beverly: Who are you?

Dawson: Oh for the love of God! Has the world gone mad?!

Dawsons thoughts: Ok Dawson, stay calm, stay calm. Go and see the ET doll, the only thing that you can trust. Ask for his words of wisdom and peace will once again be returned, to Metropolis.

Dawson: To Infinity, and beyond!

Jack: Why is Dawson Buzz Lightyear?

Dawson: No, That's superman Jack

Jack: But superman doesn't say that

Dawson: I am superman young man, and I can prove it. I can fly, I can fly.

Jack: I thought that was Wendy from Peter Pan?

Without a word Dawson runs up to the window, smashes it, and jumps out.

Pacey: Dawson's dead everyone, dead I tell you.

Joey: Well, he was a bit of a prick anyway, you know?

Jen: God you guys, I wish I could celebrate with you over this, but Dawson might have actually died a lot easier if he had committed suicide on somewhere other than the first floor!

Joey: Can't you do anything Dawson?!

Dawson: No....not really

Joey: Well, I've decided, we're breaking up

Dawson: I thought we already were broken up?

Joey: Oh...yeah. Well do you wanna get back together then? We seem to have been broken up too long. Us getting together is like me having my period. We get together for about a week, I'm moody the whole time and then we break up. So, do you want to?

Dawson: Hmm, I don't know

Joey: Well how about if I show you my breasts?

Dawson: Joey, that's not right and you know it

Joey: This is because I'm not sexual enough for you isn't it. You want that skanky whore more than me don't you?

Dawson: How many times have I told you Joey? It's over between me and Jen! Jen: Hey!

Joey: You know that your life's going bad when you have two skanky whore's in the picture! But, I was talking about Eve.

Dawson: Oh her, no, that's just a quick fling before you and I get back together around sweeps time.

Joey: And who told you that?

Dawson: Those guys who are pointing all those cameras at us. You see?

Joey: yeah, why are they always here?

Dawson: They told me that they're filming a TV series called Dawson's Creek...Whatever the hell that is!

Joey: God, what is TV coming to?! I mean, they are actually calling TV shows 'Dawson's Creek'? I mean, who thought up that title? a bunch of seals?

Dawson: No, it was a bunch of seals that came up with the name for 'Party of Five' remember? They drew straws.

Joey: Oh yeah, that was classic!

Dawson: I don't get the film crew though. I mean, what do they do all day?

Joey: probably the same thing we do all day

Dawson: What, stay in my room all day and watch videos and then go and have some crazy moral dilemma and then by the next day that is all forgotten about?

Joey: Yeah, I guess so. What did we do Yesterday?

Dawson: I can't remember, something dramatic I bet.

Joey: Like that ever happens!

Dawson :Yeah, nothing ever happens in this town.

Joey: Apart from the fact that Abby died

Dawson: Andie went crazy

Joey: Jack's gay

Dawson: So am I....happy I mean

Joey: My Dad went back to prison

Dawson: I put him there

Joey: Jen now lives with Jack

Dawson: My Mom moved to Philly

Joey: You're Dad now has changed jobs again to the football coach

Dawson: You work at a garage now

Joey: Andie's back

Dawson: Andie slept with another guy

Joey: Pacey and Andie broke up

Dawson :Eve arrived

Joey: You crashed your Dad's boat into the docks

Dawson :I had strippers in my house

Joey: You found a tape of when we were younger and we watched it.

Dawson: And you're about to go and have a relationship with pacey.

Joey: And that's it?!! God Dawson, how do we manage to pass the time?

Dawson: It's a mystery to me Joey, it really is.

Beverly: What the hell are you talking about? Ok, I'm gonna forget you and talk to the gay one now. Where is Dawson?

I may write a part 2, I may not. GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!! 


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